“You don’t show others how great I am through your words,” God told me earlier in the day, amongst a variety of other things. I had no clue what that meant and forgot about it for the rest of the day, until I was called out that night.
I’ve known that there were things holding me back from my relationship with Christ, but had no clue what they were specifically. I had been doing fine in my Spanish classes, but had a hard time concentrating during my Bible classes. I also felt a tension with the director of the GAP program, and had no clue why. Because of some circumstances, she asked me to speak with her one-on-one and told me that I have been disrespecting her by constantly questioning her authority. I was confused for a moment, but then it clicked. It’s definitely something that I have been struggling with my entire life. I was always seen as a “good kid” and therefore could get away with a lot of little things. They might have not been big and they might not have affected much, but they affected my heart. I feel entitled to certain rights and have a hard time complying with rules when I don’t feel the need for them. I also don’t think before I speak, which has gotten me into a lot of trouble in the past.
Unfortunately, all of that has spilled over into my relationship with Christ. I feel entitled to “feel” His presence every day, I question when He asks me to do something, and I can talk to Him forever without listening to Him first. “… How long will you refuse to humble yourself before me?” stuck out when I was reading the Bible just yesterday (Exodus 10:3). This update is really more of a big prayer request. Please be praying for me as I learn how to become humble wherever I am, whether it be at school, at home, at the ministries, or with God.
God, please forgive me. Give me the strength to submit. Help my cry not be driven by guilt or desire of acceptance, but help me change because I want to become more like Christ and shed myself of this sinful mindset.
That I become humble.
Still be praying for a replacement Spanish teacher!
That God will reveal to me the specific ministry that He wants me to pursue.
Problems with DR Education:
I learned this week that thinking for oneself is not taught here in the Dominican Republic. They dumb down the information so much; things as simple as word problems are nonexistent. The public schools are not teaching anything, and they do not look for qualifications when they hire. The teachers give students so many “naps” or “recess times” that out of a full day, they have at most three hours of teaching. And during those hours, the kids are not motivated to learn, and the teachers are not motivated to teach. At the Lily House (the place where prostitutes come off the street to learn trades and learn about God), the missionaries also teach the women how to make decisions. They’ll start with assigning chores for the women to do at certain times. Then, they’ll do things like give more freedom and tell them to do certain chores sometime within the day, which can be hard for some to do. They’ve never had to make decisions like that before. Be grateful that we have grown up to learn how to make decisions for our own, and be praying for the Lily House ministry as well.